If you’re a parent of a toddler, you know how “independent” they are…or want to be. We have been in the period of “I wanna do it all by myself” for several months, and while I love that my little boy is learning to be self-sufficient, it also drives me nuts some days!
One thing I have learned though my career is that kids like to be in charge. I mean, who doesn’t like calling the shots? So making sure to present choices so that kids can feel more in control is something I heavily incorporate into my parenting style. The food they want isn’t available? Provide 2 choices of foods that they can have instead. The shirt they want to wear is dirty? Show them options of what shirts they can choose from instead. Trying to get out the door and they just won’t listen? Provide them choices on what they want to do first rather than telling them.
The trick is that they feel in control of the choices they are making while you still remain in control of the choices that are being provided. When my kid is struggling to get out the door we will present choices to help him out. Do you want to put your coat on first or your shoes? Do you want blue or black shoes? All these little choices help kids to feel like they have some control of their day rather than us constantly telling them what to do and when to do it.
I have heard from so many parents that I work with that they will often do things for their kids because “it’s just quicker” rather than allowing kids to gain some independence and do things on their own. Of course it would be quicker for us to just do everything for our kids, but we would also be limiting their potential. There are absolutely times that I will take over and do things for my kid because we’re in a rush, I’m feeling overwhelmed, etc., but these should be the exceptions!
To me, choices can really help kids to feel less overwhelmed when asked open ended questions they cannot answer as well such as “what do you want to do?” “what do you want to eat?” and others. I try to present choices as much as I can throughout the day because parenting is stressful enough without getting into a power struggle with an (almost) 3 year old.